the soft light emanating from my window

We hung a sheet up in our window.  It lets such a lovely light into the room, I find myself staring at it. The soft glow puts everything in a beautiful dream like light. I've found myself staring quite a bit lately, at lights, out the window at my painting, my mind usually a buzz with thoughts. I just can't let the thoughts be, they've been a little overwhelming lately I've watched them flipping around like a T.V. racing thru channels, click click click click. I don't like how that makes me feel. It seems a familiar feeling though too, ripping at my projected sense of self. My mind is very self destructive. Everything outwardly is just as it should be, but the mind, takes and judges every little thing. Judges things I did (or didn't) things Dorian did (or didn't), things anything or anyone did or didn't do and tells me I don't measure up. I should go, I'm just in the way. I reacted in the wrong way. Not good enough.

But all of those things in my head are just that: in my head, situations invented by my mind to prevent me from living in the now, seeing the beauty in each moment, enjoying each button I press on the keyboard. They distract my attention or intention away from what is currently happening. My intuition has been clouded and masked by these streaming thoughts, but I can feel it in my heart just below the surface. Ready to re-emerge softly and kindly parting the thoughts, acknowledging them as what they are...imaginary. As my intuition grows in light an intensity, I am ready to break that conceptual sense of self and just live. I want to strengthen my intuition I want to be life.

Meet 'Bulby'. He's from my Senior show in College.
I love knobs :) This one's a two-hander!

Have you ever noticed the 'life' objects have? The way they command space, almost as if they are living. I find this easier to see in art but I can see it in most objects. They have a sense of life, not that they are living though if we get real technical for a moment, they are all made of atoms which are moving molecules! I remember during a critique in a ceramics class I took, having a hard time trying to explain why the object I was looking at was so beautiful. I could just feel it in my chest that it was beautiful. It had a commanding presence, a life to it. It seemed to be breathing in life and holding it in its belly. Full of breath! Breathing in all that life has to offer.

I'm making an agreement right now for every person who appears in my thoughts or I physically see, I want to make a conscious effort to send them peaceful loving thoughts. Everyone deserves love, everyone IS love. (maybe that's why it's so hard to describe, we ARE love)


Well, this one go a touch crazy some may think but thats just the crazy life is :)...

Sending joyful loving thoughts, and bidding peace of mind ;)
xo


"Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared."
-Buddha