the space in the clouds

I have always loved how the rays of the sun can be seen dancing among the spaces in the clouds.

 It's sometimes hard to remember that space is such an important thing. 

 The rays would be invisible if there were no space in the clouds. 

 Space 

This physical space is just a signpost pointing to the realization that space needs to be made not only in my physical world but more imperatively in my mind. 

 Minds like to hang on to many images, thoughts, clutter of the past and future. 

It's time to make space. 

This space, this openness leads to stillness.

 In this stillness I can FEEL the life around me.

 I can FEEL with my heart. 

There aren't any problems.

 Only moments constantly renewing, never past, never future. 

Life as it is happening.

In the space I've made Love, Compassion, and Joy move through it and it can be shared. 

With you.

with love xo

Business Card Update....Update....

So, I feel a little silly, as thought my previous post was in haste and I wasn't patient enough.... I would like to say THANKS to Google for giving me access to my thewildcucumber@gmail.com address back!! yay!!

For all of your custom hand sewn, knitted, painted, photograph needs you can reach me at:

thewildcucumber@gmail.com

OR

iamthewildcucumber@gmail.com

Hope to hear from you soon!!

xo

This wasn't at all confusing was it?? (hee hee)

Business Card Update

So, remember those lovely business cards I designed about a month ago.....well.... I finally got them! And they look great except for one thing.....GOOGLE deactivated the email address printed on the back! I have no idea why either....500 business cards.... so with D's help it is now iamthewildcucumber@gmail.com! Google was trying to foil my plan but I shall persevere! maybe ill make a little tiny stamp that says iam and stamp them all! Not ideal but I am not about to be ripped off by vista print again....lol so if you want to contact me about my crafty handmades remember.... iamthewildcucumber@gmail.com <3 <3

just adds a touch-o-human ;)

Creativity comes from NO-MIND and thru the hands

We have taken a cute little doggy named Bella Sue out on some walks in the afternoon.  As we walk on the sunny side of the street the grass shadows on the edge of the sidewalk always catch my eye... Especially in the late day orange-gold sunshine that leaves shadows so blue...So through my eyes and into my hand comes this simple image. Too bad cameras are a little incapable at capturing images as I see them...

My hands have transformed the octopus's environment. So quiet, serene and deep. I've enjoyed gazing upon it. I find the colors very beautiful. It's so beautiful that I'm feeling a touch apprehensive about painting the octopus itself, but I think its time for it to transform as well!

Wonder what this could be...?? Leave a comment with your guess!

 mmmm You may have noticed by now I see the world in colors! These ones look juicy and delicious I kinda want to lick them!!

Much love!! xoxoX

the soft light emanating from my window

We hung a sheet up in our window.  It lets such a lovely light into the room, I find myself staring at it. The soft glow puts everything in a beautiful dream like light. I've found myself staring quite a bit lately, at lights, out the window at my painting, my mind usually a buzz with thoughts. I just can't let the thoughts be, they've been a little overwhelming lately I've watched them flipping around like a T.V. racing thru channels, click click click click. I don't like how that makes me feel. It seems a familiar feeling though too, ripping at my projected sense of self. My mind is very self destructive. Everything outwardly is just as it should be, but the mind, takes and judges every little thing. Judges things I did (or didn't) things Dorian did (or didn't), things anything or anyone did or didn't do and tells me I don't measure up. I should go, I'm just in the way. I reacted in the wrong way. Not good enough.

But all of those things in my head are just that: in my head, situations invented by my mind to prevent me from living in the now, seeing the beauty in each moment, enjoying each button I press on the keyboard. They distract my attention or intention away from what is currently happening. My intuition has been clouded and masked by these streaming thoughts, but I can feel it in my heart just below the surface. Ready to re-emerge softly and kindly parting the thoughts, acknowledging them as what they are...imaginary. As my intuition grows in light an intensity, I am ready to break that conceptual sense of self and just live. I want to strengthen my intuition I want to be life.

Meet 'Bulby'. He's from my Senior show in College.
I love knobs :) This one's a two-hander!

Have you ever noticed the 'life' objects have? The way they command space, almost as if they are living. I find this easier to see in art but I can see it in most objects. They have a sense of life, not that they are living though if we get real technical for a moment, they are all made of atoms which are moving molecules! I remember during a critique in a ceramics class I took, having a hard time trying to explain why the object I was looking at was so beautiful. I could just feel it in my chest that it was beautiful. It had a commanding presence, a life to it. It seemed to be breathing in life and holding it in its belly. Full of breath! Breathing in all that life has to offer.

I'm making an agreement right now for every person who appears in my thoughts or I physically see, I want to make a conscious effort to send them peaceful loving thoughts. Everyone deserves love, everyone IS love. (maybe that's why it's so hard to describe, we ARE love)


Well, this one go a touch crazy some may think but thats just the crazy life is :)...

Sending joyful loving thoughts, and bidding peace of mind ;)
xo


"Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared."
-Buddha

a bit-o-art

We went out on a little adventure recently to visit a farm in which we could purchase some delicious cage free eggs. Winford Pond Farm was the place, and heritage chickens, geese and goats where the game! They were wonderful, fluffy little ochins, and beautiful roosters, and ADORABLE Nigerian Dwarf Goats....of which I did not photograph :( We did however stop on the side of the road and I snapped a few shots of this lovely old building. I seem to be attracted to photographing dilapidated things. They turned out beautifully.

Here we have the little Octopus, it's only in the under-painting stage. It will look completely different as a final product.

Just a couple of creative endeavors of late. Made a few aprons too, which may lead to my next post and a new addiction....

A 'mini' disaster!

Back a night or two I was gazing out the window and noticed the sky looked a touch peeved, and appeared to be spitting in a misty way like when a two year old sticks their tongue out at you and blows sending a shower of saliva your direction.  Was I going to be able to enjoy a thunderstorm??!! That was one thing I occasionally missed about the mid west while living in California, a good old wind whipping, downpour, lightening cracking good time! (tornadoes, however, were not missed) The thought excited me. But, alas,  the sky seemed like something (or someone?) was coercing it to precipitate. Like a mother hovering, "well c'mon now. Don't just stand there, squeeze out a few drops now. There ya go your doing it, oop well now ya gat to give it a bit more now dear. It just doesn't seem like you're trying very hard. Give it another go now."(spoken in a nice midwestern accent don't ya know!) So I lay back down succumb to the fact that no storm was to happen tonight, only saliva (pthhhht!). 

20 minutes later...

The clouds unzipped, and unleashed all they had! A deluge of rain and whipping winds! Weee! (insert wind and rain noises here)..... for about 25 seconds(wah wahhh). Eh I guess I was wrong, apologies for the underestimation, sky. (not about the thunder and lightening though! ha!) 

Now for the disaster...

A couple weeks ago a lovely little portable greenhouse was set up in our backyard, by the two suburban farmers (Dorian and I...ay thank you!) in the hopes that we could start sprouting seeds come January to set out in the garden. We have also been getting a bit antsy so... we decided to experiment with a few cool weather crop seeds and see what would happen. (maybe they would combine in a strange chemical reaction and form a bucket of ooze that we could play with!) So we set up a flat with a few rows of seeds; spinach, cauliflower and broccoli, we then watered and waited.  Until today. I went out this morning because our backyard faces the west (by west I mean south) and the house acts like a giant reflector, not like the foil kind that you use for sunbathing but a less shiny vinyl one, and toasts up our cement patio quite nicely. And I of course was freezing I can't help it, I'm prone to being a peoplecicle! I didn't find much respite there so I wandered over to our dinky little greenhouse (tee hee greenhouses are warm too!) and came upon the scene of the crime!

My 25 seconds of storm satisfaction delivered us splattered barely-sprouted seedlings, (storms are obviously are not pro-life! humpf!) disheveled shelves, and the pottery that once held my succulents lay shattered; succulents de-potted and strewn about the floor! CRAP! Well, in its defense our greenhouse is made of plastic and aluminum and may double as a kite if taken to the beach on a windy day... We had used some metal stakes and a 40 pound bag of lime to try to hold it down, unfortunately they were a bit ill placed... Oops! 

I shoveled the seedlings and soil back into its home and we hopefully (cross your fingers... seriously look at the thing, it totally has kite tendencies!) found a new more storm-worthy home for our little greenhouse.

The Carnage

I had cleaned it up at this point, I can't lie, the pottery was staged. (Thanks D :)) But my poor succulent 'tree' is sadly leaning against the fan.

Kindness of Strangers

I am in AWE today. All due to a stranger.

As most of you know Dorian and I have moved from glorious California to North Carolina to live with his brother Sean and Sean's Girlfriend Stacey.  We moved here not only to live with these two wonderful people but to start our own garden and perhaps infect a few people with the idea that growing your own food is an incredibly useful tool. (Not to mention delicious, rewarding, and way better for you!)

Now we have this glorious blank canvas of a garden that we get to have our way with. We decided to sheet mulch as much as we could. (find out more about sheet mulch here, or check out one of my new most favorite books Gaia's Garden: A Guide to Home-Scale Permaculture) Which means we need an absurd amount of cardboard/newspaper, straw, mulch and manure. As well as a boat load of lime as our pH test let us know our soil is 'very acid'.

 With our budget of $0 we were excited for the challenge of "materials reconnaissance" (OH MY! My spell checker just let me know by NOT putting the red line under that word that I have spelled it correctly (side note - I am a terrible speller and am incredibly pleased with myself)). We started out asking newspaper companies for old copies and ended up with a 1.5 foot stack. The local library informed us that they have an internal recycling system, which means sad face for us. But never fear treasure (abandoned boxes) was to be had! We didn't even have to dig it up it was just laying around the neighborhood so we picked it up when we were out walking (we also found a shovel that was a little broken but would still dig holes! Even after these victories we still need much, much more.

Haulin' a load in my truck!

Next step, straw. ( Which is really what this post is about.) We could have purchased them for around $5 a bale, but that isn't much fun now is it?  Right, so on many of our tours through our little maze of a community we had noticed that a few people had straw bales up for decorations! It being nearly Thanksgiving I had a inkling that perhaps these bales needed to be gotten rid of. Lucky them!  I knew just the people who wanted them! After ringing a few doorbells and leaving some notes we ended up with about seven bales. One of those people that was so kind to give us three bales (seen here in our "truck") even offered to ask her friend about getting more! So we gave her a call today, she had said perhaps her friend had seven bales that we could have. She not only brought seven plus two bales she had gone to her friends' house picked them up and delivered them to us FOR FREE! All from a woman we didn't even know. It was such a sweet thing she did, she even said she might have more for us! (sighing in awe and total gratitude, I think this is a little wink and smile from our friend Karma! you reap what you sow! (pun intended!))

Yeah he is that strong!

It's when things like this happen that remind me why Dorian and I are meant to be here. To share in the human experience.  The world is so full of kindness, consciousness and love; we all just have to remember it is in everyone.

Adjustments

Well, we have arrived in North Carolina from California. My friends at REI thought I was a bit crazy for moving here, and when we got here I completely agreed. Fayetteville is a military town, kinda dirty, full of dispair and mustangs (this has begun to become a joke, each trip out we see how many we can count, i think around 20 is the number to beat), and most certainly absolutely nothing like northern California. ...sigh..

When we finally got the courage to venture out of the house (Dorian and I are road warriors, we slept only a handful of hours on our trek and we were in no rush to get back in our cars!) we were frightened to say the least. Organic food was very hard to find while in Nor Cal you could trip and fall on organic food! All of the stores look pretty run down, and our neighborhood is a suburban labyrinth! Luckily Stacey (Dorian's brother Sean's girlfriend) has the low down and let us know that there is a grocery store resembling Publix nearby.  Harris Teeter! (really!? who came up with this name??) Who did have organic food and was a nice grocery store. (Food Lion=Scary Charlie C's even more so we hear....haven't been brave enough to enter yet...) 

The whole town seemed to be in a state of depression on first glance. So we gave it another go, we went out looking for a local seed store to check them out. We found it and the people were lovely and helpful we also ended up taking a detour through downtown proper and it was cute! We felt relief, we no longer had so much animosity for Fayetteville! Though the first week brought about many thoughts of why in the HELL did I leave CA for THIS? I knew in my heart this is what we need to do. After a few more adventures (in the next few blogs) we realized we may be able to cultivate a wonderful growing community after all, our neighbors are so close and so many!

The house we are staying in is very beautiful annnd....We have a HUGE backyard for our GARDEN and Sean and Stacey are so excited for all the fresh vegetables they are going to have!!!

My new business cards!

The title is really self explanatory... But yay! I spent around way too much time on these they better arrive as glorious as they look on my computer screen!

Cars are never too far from my lens!

This one's for Papa. He HAS to be the reason why every time I catch a glimpse of a shiny classic car my eyes lock on and I get a touch of tunnel vision. The glittering chrome and lollypop bright paint jobs definitely demand a snap from my camera!

Fairhope, Alabama!!

How could you not LOVE a place named Fairhope!!! And it is located on the lovely Mobile bay, you say?? Well I got to stay and play near Mobile bay!! (OK OK I took that one a little too far...) All I have to say is ADORABLE! Dorian said I would love it, and we are basically the same person so it's true I LOVE IT! They have the cutest downtown filled with wrought iron and neat storefronts even, a miniature french quarter. My absolute favorite part was the Fairhope Windmill Market! They are shooting to be the first LEED certified green building in ALABAMA!! (learn more about LEED here) Coming from CA made me realize that the green revolution is huge in CA but is lacking in many other areas! Which has become an exciting thought for Dorian and I. Stay tuned!

Here is just a little sample of the adorable town of Fairhope!

Check out Fairhope Here!

Hay is for Horses! (and other animals too!)

Our new friends! These are some new friends that are visiting Dorian and the crew at Emandal- A Farm on a River. Bo, Sam and Sisco. Bo is very friendly Sisco and Sam are a touch camera shy. So Bo hammed it up for us!

Synchronistic PURPLE!!

I was asked by a dear friend of Dorian's what colors I find myself drawn to. Purple was my answer, along with a few others like lime green and turquoise. But purple has been working it's way into my life recently. I never used to like purple especially pastel purples (which aren't my favorite shades), but recently I've found myself drawn to dark purples, plums, royal violets, any purple that is a cousin of black. Deep and rich.

Now for the exciting part. So one night as I was headed to borrow the local downtown internet in Santa Rosa I had this deep urge to stop at a gas station, my heart began to pick up its pace and the color purple whispered in my head. I really didn't want to stop so I continued downtown. Then after my internet extravaganza as a neared the gas station I could still feel a pull to stop there. So I pulled in.
Dorian and I had taken up buying $3 crossword scratch off tickets not really in the hopes that we would actually win (of course we wanted to win!) but more for the 1 minute of entertainment they provided and which we over dramatized! I entered the store and so as not to look like a compulsive scratch off ticket buyer I instead lurked around the store for 2 minutes before peeking thru the glass counter and seeing a purple striped Bingo scratch-off! That was the one! (I also managed to buy a teal crossword one tee hee)

I then found myself traveling off to see Dorian with my scratch offs in hand. When I finally saw him he had on his purple shirt, and I was wearing my purple tank top! (totally unplanned people we live 2 hours away from each other, and contrary to popular belief we do not plan to match....he barely has a phone to call me!)

So in our usual excessively dramatic way we scratched off the cards. The teal crossword was a bust, and the purple bingo card was looking that way too, until nearly the last scratch! BINGOOOOOOO!!!!! we won $50!! PURPLE PURPLE PURPLE!! Unfortunately I am unable to tell you the story with my eyeballs expanded to maximum proportions, with large and excited gestures... so you will have to imagine... might look something like this though...

Do any of you guys find yourself drawn to colors? Have you ever had an intuitive experience??

YAY ART!!

Hey I made some art! Now it's time for show and tell!! or at least show! BOOM! There it is self portraits yep... all you need is a mirror! Oh yes even though I look perhaps near petrification in my charcoal drawing and that the length of my face is nearer a horse than a human I consider it a success!! I LOVED drawing the face, nose and mouth it's the spaces in between I have to work on.... there isn't much detail for me to work with so they are largely blank. I look rather disgusted in the charcoal form hah! Either way I am proud of myself, especially having had a chance to look back at my drawings from good 'ole Stout, I feel I have made improvements.

Now zee painting! I didn't feel I liked this one completely. There are definitely parts I enjoy like the lips and fingers. Uh, very yummy and full of color (which really is the only way to be!). So after some looking and squinting and turning and looking and walking away and staring and looking again I got it. I really liked the paintings more as separate paintings. Though they match up together my favorite is the bottom one. But both paintings obviously talk with each other but it is in the way it's displayed. The art is currently in my room in a suspended tetris formation where the top portion of the painting is in suspension above and to the left of its counterpart. So now you use your hand and cover the top half of the painting... What do you think??

ps. two consecutive month postings!? yeah that's right!

I have an infatuation.... perhaps two.

1. Flowers. I can't stop looking at them, it really is a bit disgusting. My friends were even noticing my not so covert ogles at flowers as the strode by at the farmers market. They thought it very lude... what can I say they are amazing, beautiful and colorful.
So I did the only thing I could think of. I went down to Petaluma to the heirloom seed bank to get some Non-GMO flowers because lets face it July is a tad late to be planting delicious food plants and the garden area is currently occupied by 4 baby goats who would thoroughly enjoy a garden... for approximately 4 seconds! So Zinnias it was! (check out this AMAZING seed company Baker Creek Heirloom Seeds!) And .....maybe a few other flowers...or 3 types of Zinnias: Giants of CA, Envy, and Bright Jewel Cactus Flowered. Giant Asters, some Poppies, Bachelor's Buttons, Bells of Ireland, and whatever other wonderfully colored (in my case dark purples and blues and a splash of lime green!) flowers I thought I could eek into the growing season! I then went and grabbed a bag of organic potting soil and a 7 inch deep wine box and sowed my seeds!
2. a man! He's a strapping young lad from the south! Just what every girl wants right?! A southern gentleman! Well, he is all of that and one of the most conscious and caring human beings I know. Meet Dorian! This was from a recent one night camping adventure to MacKerricher State Park! Which was terrific by the way

That's all for not but I shall be back soon with updated art and photos because I know you are like me and only really look at the pictures!

a small photographic infatuation

I happen to have a small infatuation with photographing old and dilapidated vehicles. Maybe one of these days I can work out one of these photos and actually have it printed. I'm starting to believe my creative hobbies should become creative jobbies?! But really how many times have I had that thought... Maybe not jobbies but just the fact that I need to do them more, because they are in fact so enjoyable. I have been at a few thrift stores lately and I have found myself holding a developing tank and just the other day there was an enlarger. Something may be speaking to me. Stay tuned and see what develops!
I have been aware of some serious feelings of creativity lately, I keep seeing beautiful charcoal drawings and paintings in my fanciful little head. Here's a little photo of a sketch for a self portrait painting as well. (there is paint on it too now!) So to take heed to those feelings I took a little trip to some art supply stores I ended up with the old giant pad of drawing paper and gigantic clip-board some charcoal sticks and a kneaded eraser. Sounds like my first drawing class at good ole' Stout. I still remember my first drawing class met at 8 am and we would literally sit for 3 hours and draw. There was always someone in class doing head bobs! Myself included, that's what you get for having a drawing class at 8am in a dimly lit studio! I am excited to go home and look at some of my old work! YAY FOR ART!!!

The bike commuter BUZZ!

I think I just got my dream job! And I didn't even know it was looking for me! I am a VERY PROUD and EXCITED new employee of REI Santa Rosa! I don't think it ever crossed my mind that I would be so happy working retail!!? Its only been about 3 days of training and I am in amazement of the company as a whole and the people I get to work with! Crazy huh?

Well now that I got that out of my system, I was informed that May is bike to work month and specifically May 13 is bike to work day!! So naturally I piped up and exclaimed that I wanted to be on a team at work!! One of my admins then got very excited, but I had to burst her bubble with the fact that I didn't have a bike! whoops! Talk about thinking before speaking.... She tried her best but her extra bike wasn't ready to ride. So downstairs on the sales floor at REI I found my new love, the Novara Buzz V we pulled it off the rack and no adjustments were needed, it fit like Cinderella's glass slipper! And did I mention it was a steal! My crew outfit me with a light, helmet, lock, and pump kit to make sure I wouldn't run into any situations on my new commute!! Heck I even rode to the grocery store yesterday! And the clerk at Trader Joe's didn't think I could fit all my merch into my back pack! He wasn't aware of my super talent of volume estimation and my skills in packing!

If you can people get on your bikes and ride!! I think I need a little bell, a mirror and an under seat pouch for my tire patch kit/tire levers/multi tool. And a sweet commuter backpack! This job is just too fun!

just a little somthing

I have this AMAZING friend who is so gracious to me. She's even offered me part of her tiny apartment which is literally the size of a postage stamp (two people living in a postage stamp oh yes)! She's a life saver! Earlier this summer I was helping her out with her business: Kashaya's Brick Oven Pizza where I became an Extreme Pizza Maker! I with my infinite crafty skills decided she needed an original Wild Cucumber creation! Who else but a fully tattooed pizza chef would love a My Little Pony apron!! Well it's not totally sugar and spice check out the pony's brand, a sun and cross bones! The best part is everything but the blue ric-rac was reused material they used to be sheets!!

uhg...jobs...

I have been looking for jobs out here in the great state of California (which I am totally in love with, just look at the smile on my face!). I'm not even sure where to begin... what a frustrating task, finding the jobs isn't so stressful it's the waiting....and waiting......and waiting.... to see if anyone responds. Reminds me of something else I know...fishing! Job hunting is a lot like fishing. You can see all of the little fishy jobs out there, and you dangle down your resume lure hoping one will latch on! I've had a few nibbles and hopefully my smile will read well across the phone on monday!

I have had people ask me what kind of job I want, the list then spews out of my mouth. Well, I say, I love being outside, and have recently taken to the idea of landscape design, my love of the outdoors and background in art make that a perfect fit. But I could also see myself doing countless other things like sewing, making art, working on another farm, working at a nursery, retail if I must, or even being a sign shaker! My many options are like winning the lottery, great until you realize the how much gets taken away in taxes, but yet still a good thing! It's a good thing to have options but a difficult task to make a decision!

Well, I'm just going to make adjustments, and cast my line back in with my brand new shiny resume lure (thanks Sarah!!) and see who's hungry!

The Redwoods

The Redwoods are so calm, as soon as you enter their world a hush settles around you. Their enormity quiets all the white noise we are used to, even the nearby bloated rushing creek is swallowed in. They seem to slow time, your footsteps are muffled by the duff of needles they leave on the ground. Even if you shout it seems to meander upward then get entwined in the branches. Everything suspended in the damp breath of the forest.

I want so badly to take a photo that truly depicts the forest, but I have realized it isn't possible. Even with the idea that I can do anything I set my mind to and my stubbornness to do so has given in. It just cant compare with actually being there. I love thinking about what the trees may have been thinking about...after all they have been there for longer than I can comprehend. It would be fun to ask them questions!

I have met the Redwoods a few times after being out here for nearly a year now, I've been down the Avenue of the Giants twice, the the Drive Thru Tree twice, and up to Humbolt Redwoods State Park and down to Muir Woods. I really can't get enough! I think my best friend Nicole may understand why now too! Can you see her in the top photo??

Every time I see them my heart swells, my chest feels full and happy, and a giant smile grows across my face. While in Muir woods we were on an Owl walk where we were allowed in the park after closing to see if we could spot and hear owls. In fact we did hear some Barred Owls and a Saw Whet Owl, then on the way down the mountain out of the park, the nearly full moon was glowing through the fog in the redwoods. It was beautiful, being able to be in the park so late and watching the moon beams through the trees...sigh...I think I'm in love...or I at least have an idea for my next tattoo! sorry mom! :)

...annnd we're back!

Hey hey all! Ready to give you another dose. Since I last wrote I have been up to much mayhem, madness and a ridiculous amount of painting! I moved into a different house on the great Emandal Farm called the Vineyard house. which I was in charge of painting, not the exterior however, I really don't think it would have had a chance to dry anyway. It's been raining quite a lot...with some beautiful sunshine in between. Here are some photos of the changes! Oh and that is our lovely ancient cat Lady Scruffington (5th picture down she's black and white), or as we call her "Scruffles" she is approximately a million years old and has a gimpy leg, so we love her and feed her treats. In turn she yowls, attacks our doormat and makes us laugh. Us being me and my awesome roommate Karin!!
The after shots are the red and gold living room, the green and cream bathroom and the green cream and red porch, the hallway is gold now too! Hopefully they are an improvement!

The brown cow belongs to a friend of the farm, she and her friends followed me home one day thought I made it clear I had no food for them. Then they proceeded to drop land mines all around our cars... turds! (literally)