Monday, December 26, 2011

Transitions and Adjustments

I've always been able to see that life is a series of adjustments to achieve a certain balance. Major, minor and all those in between. Teetering and tottering. I'm coming to learn I am a relatively slow adjuster. I like to take my time. I don't like to be in a hurry. Though my mind has tendencies toward that. Racing thoughts of nearly anything related or not to what's happening in the moment. Distracting from what's actually happening. Feeling oblivious the the recent goings on.

Good. I learned. Slow down. Feel the moment. Breathe. Observe the sensations. Things are not "supposed to be" they are as they are.

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

an old poem

I wrote this little treasure around the time I left for California a few years ago and stumbled upon it tonight. I can't say that I have perfect Iambic Pentameter but the feeling is there :)

The hue on my back does not match the rest. 
My wings are cramped,
 grown too large for this nest.
Something's calling me 
among all the noise.
I must follow it now
and find my own voice.

I must use the word "no"
seek balance, and peace
or my very own garden 
 may never grow.

My voice is muddled among all the noise, 
my message was lost
along with my poise.

Goodbyes are sad but full of potential.
I enjoy everyone as I leave for my flight, 
 to answer my call in a new hedgerow.

My colors are changing, 
growing and morphing.
my surroundings are no longer suiting.

Learning and growing,
Planting and sewing.
I plan to be with 
our Mother Nature.

With a wind thru the trees 
and a smile on my face,
I head off on this adventure
to find my own place.

Love and Peace

xoxo L

Thursday, December 1, 2011


Most of you might not know this but I am an Elf. This year I got hired to help make children smile and capture that memory on film! Of course Santa is there too! I would say I am well suited to this job, I am filled with natural cheer and smiling is my FAVORITE! I do it all the time, when I'm happy, to strangers on the street, even when I get hurt I'm usually doing the laughing/smiling rolling on the floor bleeding from the leg bit. It's certainly one of my gifts, and I am glad to bestow it upon the little ones. I love Santa too, he is wonderful with the children and reminds them that Christmas isn't all about the gifts, that he wants them to spread the Christmas Spirit through their smiles and joy!

Elfing has kept me busy in my Wild Cucumber Designs workshop too! Stockings are jingling right off the shelves (or thumbtacks to be exact), and special hammock requests are stuffing my mailbox. Not to mention graphic design work and screen print designs for my favorite local gym FitElite. Phwew I asked for some stimulation and motivation and I got it!

Elfing out in public has definitely been a good thing. Sometimes my natural cheer reserves run a little low when I stay alone too long in the Wild Cucumber Designs workshop. Being around other Elves definitely brightens my spirits! Even the fancy mall where the memory making workshop is located I find very interesting and entertaining. So many people moving about and all the different stores like one giant organism functioning strangely with fluorescent light, music and delicious pretzel smells.  Makes me giggle just thinking about it, working there makes me feel like I have a back stage pass!

Heres to the universe and its gifts! No matter how they come or in what packages!

With a Huge SMILE and a joyous heart! Much love!

xoxo L (also known as B (for Butterfly))

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Floaty-Dancy Land, Autonomy and ....

I have been, for lack of a better term, in floaty-dancy land (kind of like your life is suspended in jello). Not really sure what I want to do, wondering what it is I am meant to do. Nothing really strikes me, makes my heart jump it's all lack luster... Obviously I'm identifying with something in my mind thats holding me back...

 My problem is more so that I could see myself doing so many things that I can't decide! A blessing and a curse! I also need to push myself I need a bit of a challenge! I am starting a temporary job which I think might help out, I'll have more going on in my schedule and will make me appreciate the time I have to create and thus be more productive. Sorry I think I just needed to vent at you guys! Any suggestions are welcome!

One thing I do feel I need is autonomy. I like doing things by myself, I don't like relying on others for things. I like to do it myself and in my own way! I guess I'm manifesting my own place? I need a space of my own to flush out ideas. Or just be by myself. The fact is I'm a terrible decision maker! I just can't decide and don't feel compelled toward anything. BAH! haha

Oh who am I kidding... apologies for the incoherent rambling! But to be honest its quite descriptive of the happenings in my head of late. (sigh) It's honestly making me feel a bit exasperated even thinking about it let alone seeing it on the screen. (big sigh)

I think I will call this the dormancy period! Just like the trees and plants in the winter....I know something is just waiting to flower!

Much Love,

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Northern Wisconsin Retreat

I was proud of my emptied spool of thread!
I spent the past weekend with my cousin, Aunt and Grandma. I happened to be home this year for one of my favorite events, the Quilting Retreat to Camp Luther in Three Lakes Wisconsin! I love it for so many reasons. We get to run away for the weekend and sew up a storm 3 hours away from our homes! You bring with you what fabric you have and make use of it! I love how much I feel I get accomplished. It's almost as if we get trapped on Sewing Island with nothing to do but sew ALL weekend! And bombard the one local fabric store!

I decided that I wouldn't do as I wanted (which would be to bring my entire fabric stash!) and that I would make use of all of the scraps from previous projects as well as a few forgotten projects. I'm glad I narrowed it down! I may have spent the whole weekend deciding what to do instead of doing!

Grandma and Aunt Jane working away in the
I learned so many things this weekend including some tips about how I can teach myself a more efficient way of working called I need fewer decisions! I will be the first to tell you I am the captain of the ship "Indecisive" adrift in the waters of indecision.... yep its that bad!

 I also learned physical space can be a good tool. It felt wonderful to 'escape' for a weekend. I feel centered again. I had a rough cycle this past week, there were a lot of transitions happening and I was fighting with myself about a lot of things. The time and space away helped me to regain composure and see life as simple and wonderful, a gift to be cherished. I also had the blessing of Eagle on the way home, perched in a tree reminding me that nature is always speaking and that a silent mind aids in hearing her words.

We had devotional time where we sang songs and shared in readings from the Bible. I haven't spent any time studying the religion in which I was raised (catholocism). It was beautiful to hear the words and feel the oneness of the teachings of the religions I know. From Buddhism to Christianity they seem
to be teaching the same thing.

Add caption
Love yourself to love others, as we are all one.

Friday, September 30, 2011

paintings and nature magic

This is an old friend I wanted to update you on. I started the "quadropus" when I was in North Carolina. So it has been a long process so far. I just wanted to give you a little pictorial tour of the changes its been through.
This orange phase was the under painting. I like do do under painting so that when I paint the final colors on top some of the colors underneath can show through.
 This Phase was the background painting. You can see some of the orange pokes thru the green blue background. If you could see this in person the orange is very firy and red like a burning sunset.
 I had a hard time trying to decide how to finish this one. I paint relatively fast and I tend to not have a whole lot of patience for tedious details. (which is kind of ironic...) I ended up having a lightening strike moment. I do have patience for embroidery and its tiny details. So of course I had to put them together!

I remember having a distinct vision of what the little suction cups would look like when they got embroidered. I have a clear vision for a few of the other details as well. The quadropus is a work in progress very slow progress! I love it!

This monarch I just recently finished. He (yes its a he!) sat patiently as I tended to sewing. I actually originally didn't like how the background had turned out so I set him aside. (do we see a pattern here... apparently my paintings need time outs before they get finished!) I felt so happy as I painted the wings. I could just feel the joy pouring from my heart. 

This is my little Goldfinch friend. She came about right after the monarch. I had her drawn on the piece of hard board and just went straight to it after the monarch. 

She was a visitor about a month ago, she came to visit me 3 times (did i tell you this?) right before I headed to the Midwest Shamanic Gathering. I looked up what she meant in my Animal Speak book, and in short she was awakening me to the Nature Spirits. I was so excited! When I say she visited me she landed on my window twice, barely gripping to the trim on the outside as she peered inside. The first occasion I was singing in the shower and stepped out of the bathroom still singing and she was perched there listening. The second morning i was sitting on my pillow meditating and I heard a small noise on the window, she had come back again! The third visit I was talking with my uncle in the living room and saw a flutter high in the window sure enough she was there! 

A day or so before this all had happened I had discovered an old feather I had found while in California. It was crumpled and kinked up from being smashed in a pocket in my backpack. I showed it to my squeeze and we both determined that it was probably a turkey feather. I set it on my window sill (yep the same window where Goldfinch landed!). After my visits with Goldfinch I took the feather and others with me to the Shamanic Gathering, where they lay in a net in my tent all weekend. On Friday night I attended a sweat lodge, which was amazing! That night I had a glowing vision of feathers as if backlit by a bright white light. I scratched out a picture and proceeded to be serenaded by a thunderstorm all night. Then on Monday when I was packing up my things I pulled out my feathers and as I grabbed my 'turkey' feather my first thought was that it looked like a hawk feather, and my second realization was that it look like it was in almost perfect condition! Over the weekend the feather had been healed. The extra funny thing was that I hadn't touched it all weekend! I wish I had a before picture, it had at least 2 kinks in it and was bent into a "c' shape.

Happy Nature magic! Keep your eyes open it's happening all the time!

Much Love!

And I almost forgot! Check out my Etsy shop there are a few new listings!!

Monday, September 19, 2011


So poignant that my post following one encouraging Bee-ing happy is filled with frustration. I currently am floating in a mood of frustration. I am home with my family whom I love and have even found someone I am a lottle sweet on, which tends to add to my frustration. I can't help but feel like a burden, and a huge money suck. Let me lay it out for you, as simply as I know how to.  I came home, my dad fixed my car, my mom bought me clothes, I eat my aunt and uncle's food and live in their house. This boy I'm sweet on has a friggin' heart of gold, and also won't have me paying for things. I have no job, in the traditional sense (this may lead to another post...). And I probably have one too many hobbies.... (sound of giant vacuum sucking up a pile of sand...with a lego caught in the spinning brush) Mix into that the classic, what am I doing with my life!? That recipe sounds a little like worthless soup with a side of frustration and a lego SANDwich. (< hah get it? the sand and lego from before right?!! (note to self: research career in comedy.))

 Worthless like a big ol' homeless, jobless leech. (with an incredible sense of humor) But I guess leeches even have a purpose, they can suck the life back into a body part that had been accidently removed right? (trying to convince myself here)

I feel HUMBLED looking at all these words. I really do appreciate the frustration, it makes me squirm a little and brings about change. It will push me to make decisions. 

But I still feel guilt.  Lets explore this.

Guilt, as I would describe it feels like weight on my heart. Like parts of it are made of lead making it heavy and sluggish. The lead was ammo of the mind, now poisoning the body. (making me feel yucky!) Life filled blood being pumped through a lead heart. (double yucky) In response, a poem.

Magic Mind is Heavy Heart?

Thoughts; non existent, but heavy like lead.
Shot aimed for the Heart, fingering the trigger. 
The mind a skilled marksman. 
Guilt nails the target, frustration and worthlessness follow suit.
Ripping into the love and light of Heart.
Mind keeps up the resistance. 
Pounding at Heart.
Heart keeps pumping, peacefully accepting its fate.
Breath focuses presently, softening the blow:
One moment at a time, one breath at a time.
A divine light is shown, lifts the weight. 
There is no lead, no shot to the Heart. 
Mind is a magician, an illusionist.
The lead is no heavier than a bubble.
Let it float away, 
popping in the light.
releasing the heart.

The mind is very powerful, capable of coercing physical reactions to thoughts. Fascinating, and frustrating. But I choose to accept and observe my frustration. After all its just a sensation. It's just there temporarily. It will pass. I just have to breathe and be. 

Thanks for listening, feels good to get that out. Sometimes I think I'm going to scare people when I share my feelings. So there it is. Take it as you will; be scared, spit on your computer, do a dance, make a face, ask questions, or remind me comedy is not a good career move. I will just enjoy the fact that my heart feels just a little bit lighter :) And even though my jokes are lame, they still make me smile and laugh! haha! (touché lame comedy haters!) I also revel in how easily entertained I am...hah. I bid you adieu!

Feel the love, spread smiles!

"Even when the sky is heavily overcast, the sun hasn't disappeared. It's still there on the other side of the clouds."
-Eckhart Tolle


Thursday, September 8, 2011

BEEn Busy!

I had a most wonderful weekend at Beaver Creek Reserve during the Midwest Shamanic Gathering. I received healing in many forms over the weekend. And was constantly met with teachings from beautiful people and nature. I even participated in my first sweat lodge which was incredible! We got to sing and dance to Native American Drumming. I even got to play in a drum circle, which was so much fun. Not only were there Native Americans from WI there, but also Shaman from Africa, Laos, and South America.  I feel strong, calm and happy. Very appreciative as well. 
There was talk of the Hopi Prophesy of the Eagle and Condor. Which states something like this, When the Eagle of the North and the Condor of the South fly together, the children of Earth are reawakening. 

Love Earth. Love You. Spread Love.
Simply, Love.


I have been receiving lots of love via my Etsy shop! I am so excited that my cuffs went over so well and am excitedly making more! I hope to have some more "Bee Happy" since I have had requests for them after being in my shop for only a night!!

Till then you will have to check out the new Mini wallets. I know...they are no substitute... till next time! 
The first custom order was mailed off today!
Custom order #2

Mini Wallets!

Love to you all! Till next time Bee Happy!


Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Learning Happens..... Always

I am learning so much about how I want my Etsy work to flow and what are the best ways to manage it. I tend to cling to certain methods in my head about how I should do something. An example: I think that I need to make a bunch of stuff, then photograph it and list it all in globular chunks. I realized today that my photo patience can be low sometimes and that I may benefit from shorter photo sessions. I also noticed it took me nearly four hours to edit photos for 4 items and list them. wow! I have also noticed my body responds better to being able to change positions frequently.  I just wanted to share with you much was learned today with trials and errors and edits and re-dos! They are the best! 

Check out some peeks of the goods and my ETSY Page!

A little bird has flown into my life to teach as well. I have had 3 visits from a lovely little Goldfinch. She brings exciting news of Awakening to Nature Spirits, which seems rather timely since I will be attending the Midwest Shamanic Gathering this weekend! 

The first sighting was after I was singing in the shower I stepped out of my bathroom still singing and she was perched on the edge of my bedroom window, I kept singing and stepped closer and she opened her mouth in song as well. I sat on the bed and watched her for a moment then she flew off. I then realized the night before I had found a Turkey feather which was a bit crunched up and laid it on the window sill that she sat upon. 

Number two: This morning I managed to prop myself up early for my morning meditation and the hour was well underway when I heard a noise I immediately knew was tiny talons grasping onto the window frame. I cracked my eyes and spied her again! She sang to me this time and stayed for a few moments as I attempted to capture her on my camera she flew off the exact moment I went to press the button. 

The Third: I was being distracted by the television when I saw a fluttering up high in the living room window. Again I knew it was her! I slunk out the noisy screen door and leaned over to spy her clutched to the window frame, she spotted me quickly and sailed off with her up and down flight pattern. 

Her very first visit inspired a painting, now for the doing! I have two other paintings in progress and other sewing projects. You can believe I haven't been sitting idly by ;) but there is a lot of behind the scenes work I hope to share with you soon!

Much love and light, and Learning!!
The Queen has a red dot! 

and Bee Happy!


Tuesday, August 16, 2011


I feel I have always had what I call a soft spot for animals whether they are two, four, six or even eight or million legged. They capture my attention and fascinate me....beautiful beings. I have started to learn they are bearers of messages. Reminders for us to be aware. Reminders and guides. Their intelligence is not one from books it's inherent, intuitive and wise. I don't feel yet I can share with you their magic maybe soon. For now I will share my encounters.


I met this beautiful Monarch at a butterfly house at Beaver Creek Reserve. It wasn't the best day for butterflies I was told. Of course I decided to venture out anyway. I locked right onto this one struggling on a plastic sign cover. I stretched my hand out and it crawled right on. We spent quite some time together before it decided to fly over to a nearby milkweed plant. I remember the great sense of power I felt as it crawled on my hand. For such a weightless creature it had an incredible grasp!

Red Spotted Purple
This is another friend from the butterfly house. I collected another of its kind in my garage. My mom had pulled out her car to give it a scrub, and in its place were two treasures. One perfect little Pink Edged Sulfur and a Red Spotted Purple, who was a little worse for the wear. They unfortunately had met their end, though I touched the Purple and it began to flap its wing, slowly open and closed. I stayed and watched quietly as my parents shuffled about, my dad peering over obviously wondering what I was doing. I showed him the flapping butterfly. He commented something about a butterfly healer haha. I would be so honored! After I was sure the Purple had passed I picked them up and inspected. I couldn't believe the Purple had been able to flap...only had one good pair of wings on one side the other side was crumpled as well as I believe it was missing many organs....a special moment.

Aphrodite Fritillary
 I was out for a bike ride with my Auntie the other day, and of course as always had my animal spotting eyes on. After about 10 miles I hadn't noticed much. Then on my way down the hill I saw what I thought may be a Swallowtail traipsing in its bouncing flight pattern across the road. I sailed closer just to  have a friendly collision on my shirt. It really didn't seem to noticed and continued on his way. We should all be so calm and accepting of surprise situations!

Cope's Gray Treefrog
This little friend my mom found hanging out on our house. Just a little bigger than a quarter.

This is my parents resident Gray Fox. It lives in the back yard, we've seen it often leaving the den and returning about two hours later near dusk sometimes with prey. So beautiful. My dad also had a Fox and pups living under a shed at his auto shop! Maybe he has a fox totem animal? They sure seem to like him. I let my dog Jack outside one morning about 4:30 am and heard the strangest "Arf" was the fox with its territorial call!

Jack also woke me up early to see the mist burning off the lake. He's a great friend :)

Have you experienced any animal magic lately or do you have a totem animal? I would love to hear about it!


Monday, August 8, 2011

Tennessee, a small glimpse in pictures

It was a lovely spot, lush with growth and life. 

I was so excited to see this little treasure! Its a Luna Moth! I have seen two this year, the other one was at Wood's Hole Hostel.  It gave me some inspiration to paint again. I've encountered lots of animal visitors lately. I got a book that helps me understand the messages and magic they bring. 

much love

Friday, August 5, 2011

The Cascades: Virginia. Trip two.

Still just as beautiful as the first time. This time I had my big camera...

The butterfly is taking flight!

Justine was excellent at finding caterpillars and taming butterflies!

 The Rhododendrons had such beautiful light falling on them.

When I got to look back on these photos I felt such a sense of calm. The Cascades is such a serene place, happy soothing vibes. 

Bidding you some happy soothing peaceful vibes 
xoxo much love :)

Sunday, July 24, 2011

District of Columbia

Ah, the District of Columbia. A place I don't think I would ever choose to vacation to, but my aunt and uncle were going to be there so why not? And to top it off a friend I worked with at Emandal lives there as well! It was a jolly good time, and was also the first time in a long time I was hitting the pubic transit solo, I felt pretty awesome at it. Totally achieved just below pro level, definitely.
Awe, that's nice. Uncle Kelly and Adam
holding hands, how sweet!

They are fond of red circles with lines thru them in DC.
We were entering the grounds of the pentagon.
We weren't allowed to take photos but somehow I'm
positive they were being taken of us.

A recurring theme... 

The 'tube' as the english might say.
Intriguing columns
..... chinatown?
The one chinese looking thing in chinatown...
There are no words for the awesomeness this portrays.
An anti Nuclear weapons display out front of the whitehouse...
The following three photos, I just couldn't help myself. Honestly I'm just really easily entertained, and there was an astounding amount of them....

On the walk back the hotel, I found a little unassuming beauty. Colors of course :)

Christian I hope you had fun!! It was definitely awesome riding
 back from the Jefferson monument!

A lovely trip.